We get a fair bit of wildlife outside Chez Cook. It is not uncommon to see any of the following: raccoons, skunks, bald eagles, coyotes and even bears. The bears freak me out a bit. Mostly because I grew up in the Midwest where the wildest thing I can remember in our backyard were squirrels. Bears are much larger than squirrels.

The first time I saw a bear I was no more than three feet away. I ran into the house so fast that my feet were spinning in circles Road Runner style. I called the Bear Aware hotline. Below is the actual conversation:

Me: I just ran into a HUGE black bear!

Hotline: Where is the bear right now?

Me: (peering through the curtains) He’s in the backyard. He’s eating apples off my tree.

Hotline: Where are you?

Me: I’m in the house. What do I do?

Hotline: We would recommend you stay in the house.

Ha ha ha. Those folks at the Bear Aware hotline are a laugh riot. Amy sent me a link to this video. It details a bear sighting in Ohio. It is BEYOND priceless. Clearly the TV news in Ohio needs some additional funding. The “special effects” that detail how the bear could run away truly were special.

The recent death of Michael Jackson has me somewhat befuddled. Granted, I wasn’t a huge fan, but I also didn’t dislike the guy and rarely referred to him a Wacko Jacko. Basically, I didn’t think about him much at all, except for vague memories of trying to do the Thriller dance in the 80’s. Near as I could tell, lately no one else was thinking about him that much either. We’re all too busy trying to decide whose side we’re taking in the Jon and Kate divorce.

Here is the part I don’t understand: why do people feel the need to gather in large crowds together now that he’s dead? There have been all these shots of hundreds of people standing outside the hospital where he died. Crowds gathered in Indiana outside the small bungalow where he was born etc. It’s not like this is his family or personal friends, these are random strangers. I can see cracking open a beer and playing Billie Jean in the privacy of your home, but what exactly makes you want to get in your car, drive to a hospital, and mill about with other strangers talking about someone you didn’t even know?

Can anyone explain this to me?

I spent last weekend at a writer’s conference. This was followed by two solid days of meetings for my day job. That is a lot of social time/people contact. It turns out I have a limited ability to pull this off. It isn’t that I don’t like people- I do- it simply takes me extreme amounts of energy to be socially acceptable for long periods of time.

I’ve always known I was an introvert. I love hanging out with myself. I find myself to be delightful company. When I spend a lot of time in social situations I can feel my brain working overtime to keep up. It’s like a gerbil on one of those exercise wheels. On this most recent business trip it was especially bad because I was fighting a cold. (Is there anything more vile than a cold in the summer?) I had that clogged ear thing where I could hear myself better than I could hear what was happening around me. Thus, I’m pretty sure I laughed too loud and sometimes said random things. I shudder to imagine what other people think of me.

Was anyone else shocked to hear Michael Jackson died? When I heard I had this flash of remembering myself doing the Thriller dance in front of the TV while babysitting. I think one of the main reasons I loved the movie 13 Going on 30 was the Thriller dance scene (that and the fact I think Jennifer Garner is adorable). I was never a huge fan of his music and the whole crotch grabbing move seemed a bit forced to me- but his music is frozen in my memories of growing up.

I’ll admit it- I love Zombie movies. I have no idea why, generally speaking I’m not a big fan of the undead brain suckers. One of my favorite movies is Shaun of the Dead. If you haven’t seen it I suggest you run RIGHT NOW to the video store and check it out. Heck, if you are feeling flush go ahead and buy the DVD. How can you not love a movie with the tag line “a romantic comedy with zombies.”

Thus, I loved THIS PRANK. Here is a clip from the article The Austin, Texas, commute turned surreal this week after hackers replaced official traffic warnings on digital signs with some of their own. “Zombies ahead! Run for your lives!” read one altered sign, according to KXAN in Austin.

How would you respond if you saw that sign?

Thanks for everyone who emailed anniversary wishes. We had a lovely anniversary. Devoted husband arranged a lovely dinner out where flowers were delivered to our table. There was also an iPhone. I love this phone more than anyone should love a technical device. Let me be clear, I did not need an iPhone - but oh, I do love it so.

I spent the weekend in a writer’s conference focused on comedy. For the record being funny looks easy, but is a heck of a lot more work than you would think. We spent hours dissecting the movie Ground Hound Day. Hours.

At dawn Monday morning I fly to Calgary for work. You all know how much I adore flying. And work. Why does my day job not send me to London, Paris, Tokyo, or New York? A mystery, I tell you.

What did you do with your weekend?

I know I’ve mentioned it before- but this is big money on the line people- there is a contest going on! Help me celebrate the six month anniversary of What Would Emma Do. Contest Details Here. You can win a $75 gift card.

Under the heading- I’m not sure if this is lucky or unlucky- I saw this story. This kid was hit by a meteor and lived to tell the tale. Granted it was a small meteor, but it was still traveling around 30,000 mph. As if life wasn’t complicated enough now I have to keep my eyes open for space junk.

One of my favorite things as a kid, heck still one of my favorite things, are crayons. I even love the smell of crayons. There are few things better in life than a fresh box where all the colors still have their nice tips. I saw this story and thought I would share. It’s all crayon, all the time.

Here was one of my favorite trivia pieces: The average child in the United States will wear down 730 crayons by his 10th birthday (or 11.4 boxes of 64s). Kids, ages 2-8, spend an average of 28 minutes each day colouring. Combined, children in the US spend 6.3 billion hours colouring annually, almost 10,000 human lifetimes!

Anyone else thinking it’s a great time to buy a new box of crayons and do some coloring this weekend?

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. Assuming that today goes well there is a good chance we’ll officially check off another year. Sometimes I find it hard to believe we’ve been married this long and other times I can’t remember what it was like not to have him around. The best compliment I can give him is that I can’t think of anyone I would rather spend time with.

So in the spirit of acting like we’ve got it all together I give you my tips for a long term relationship:
- Have your own friends, your own interests. It’s more interesting to talk to someone who has their own life. No one likes a parasite.
- Have fun together. If the last activity you did with your significant other was cleaning the bathroom it’s time to find something else to do. A clean tub is nice, but it isn’t the be all end all.
- Let it go. There will be times he annoys you. There will be times you annoy him. Let it go. People who keep a list of slights (”then there was the time you got me a toaster for my birthday”) are doomed to be unhappy. Life isn’t about figuring out who screwed up the most.
- Say thanks, even for the little stuff. In fact, it might be more important to say thanks for the little stuff. Devoted husband says every week “thanks for doing the laundry.” It makes me feel as if he appreciates my time and effort to get it done and doesn’t assume that it’s just “my job.” Devoted husband has most likely figured out that saying thanks takes two seconds and keeps him from having to sort colors and whites.
- Hold hands once and awhile. It also doesn’t hurt to talk to each other. Not just about who needs to pick up the dry cleaning or who put the milk back in the fridge with less than an ounce left. Talk about a book you’re reading or politics, talk about a new development in science, a conversation you overheard, or something you’ve been dreaming of doing.

Any other advice out there?

And devoted husband? Here’s to many more years……

My parents gave me many things. A love of reading, a sense of wit and belief in myself just to name a few. One thing that was not passed down was any sort of sports ability.

You know the kid who always got hit in the face when playing softball? Me. The person who would be running in gym and would somehow fall over even when there was nothing around? Yep, that was me too. I once almost knocked myself out with a bat. I’ve known devoted husband since college so he actually remembers the time we went bowling and I let go of the ball during the crucial “pull back” part of the swing and nearly took out some woman simply trying to turn in her rented shoes. I’ve been hit in the face by pretty much every ball out there- volleyballs, softballs, dodgeballs (those red rubber buggers can really sting), basketballs. Now, when I’m trying to hit a ball I miss it by a mile, but my face I seem to be able to connect with almost every time.

I think it is safe to say the term “sporty” and Eileen are rarely seen together. Recently devoted husband and I have been playing Par 3 golf. (Which I insist on calling Par 9 for some reason) I’m pretty lousy. There are many “practice swings” which really consist of me going to whack the ball with all I’ve got and missing it completely. About the best thing you can say about my form is that it’s consistent. Consistently bad. The best round I played was after a couple glasses of wine. Devoted husband has forgone trying to give advice and instead simply issues warnings “there is a kid straight ahead on the course, try not to hit him.” In order to miss the child I try and aim directly at him, thus insuring that the ball goes no where near him.

I tend to avoid doing things where I know I’m bad. I feel awkward and embarrassed so instead I stick with what I do well. What playing golf has reminded me is that sometimes it’s not about being good, it’s about having fun. It’s about trying something new and giving yourself permission to be bad. I’m thinking there might be a life lesson in here somewhere.

So fess up- sporty or spaz?

They always warn you that the internet is full of creeps. What they don’t always mention is that there are some pretty nifty people out there too. When my first book came out I exchanged a few emails with Kristina Riggle. She even went to the trouble of coming to one of my book signings (thus forever earning my love and gratitude- yes, I can be bought for the price of a paperback). We kept in touch and when the time came she applied to become part of the new Debutante Ball class.

What I’m saying is that she is good people. And she’s written an amazing book.

Be sure to check out REAL LIFE AND LIARS out

Kristina stopped by to answer some questions:

1) Tell us about your book:
It’s a family drama about three screwed-up grown kids coming home for their parents’ anniversary party, and their mother has a secret that’s going to change everything. It takes place in three days on the shores of Lake Michigan.

2) I love the behind the scenes story- tell us what gave you the idea for your book?
I just wanted to write the kind of book I love to read. I’d gotten tired of trying to write something “marketable” so I wrote something enjoyable, at least to me. I love family stories with lots of characters and points of view. There are four points of view in my book: the three children and the “faded flower child” mother, Mira.

Read more »

Did you remember to enter my contest to celebrate WWED? There’s a chance to win a $75 giftcard to the bookstore of your choice. That’s a lot of summer reading people. Not to mention you can use part of it to pre-order Getting Revenge on Lauren Wood. Pre-orders make me happy. It helps me feel popular. You don’t want me to feel unpopular do you? I had enough rejection in high school.

In other random news some things I thought you might enjoy:

At last something that might smell better than Bounce dryer sheets. It’s a can of Book Smell. I don’t think of books having a particular smell, unless you think of the really musty ones. It makes me wonder if my house smells. We have a lot of books here in Chez Cook. Maybe our house reeks of book smell. I have no idea.

Never underestimate the power of a good bra. There is the important support factor which will keep you from having to tuck your boobs into your waistband when you’re older and then there is the fact that it can save you from a speeding bullet. Talk about being glad you didn’t choose that day to let the girls hang free.

Then I came across this t-shirt. It made me laugh. Sexy science boys. You have to love them.

I’m guest blogging every Friday the rest of this month over at Five Awesome YA Fans. Come by and say howdy.