Random Monday- the unmentionables edition
I wonder if this happens to other people. You get out of the shower in the morning, shlep over to your dresser, open it and realize you have the underwear of a homeless person. Everything in your drawer looks like you got it off the clearance rack at the local thrift store.
Good underwear shouldn’t be underrated. You walk with a bit of jaunt in your step when you have on good undies. If you’re wearing underwear that has long since given up any elastic properties it’s time to cash it in. Life is better with good underwear. I hadn’t let my underwear go because of poor self esteem, more laziness.
I get my boobs from my dad. To be technical, I got them from his side of the family, he himself is boob free. I can remember my grandmother telling me that I’d been cursed with the McIntosh boobs, which clearly meant by the time I hit 40 I would no longer require a bra and instead could simply tuck them into my pants and belt them down. Society makes it seem like having big boobs would be an ideal, but the reality is that it’s hard to find a good bra that both fits and doesn’t look like it was made in the former East Germany using military grade rubber and buckles. The plucky pink polka dot number at Victoria’s Secret? Yeah. Doesn’t come in your size. Also tops that looks cute on a B-cup will make anyone over a D-cup look like a cheap whore who just got off her shift at Hooters and is headed down to the local street corner.
On the upside, if you’re willing to pay through the nose you can go to a specialty store where you can find both a pretty bra and one that using NASA level engineering can hoist things back into place. It’s like losing ten pounds without having to diet. On the downside this will require you to be felt up by a random stranger who is the fitting specialist. I have the sense that these women have seen everything before.
While I’ll spend money to get the girls back to their original starting position, I draw the line at REALLY expensive panties. This doesn’t mean I limit myself to the five pairs for $20 economy pack at WalMart, but I have my limits. I picked out a pair of matching panties to go with one of my nifty new bras. Basic panty, two leg holes a smattering of lace around the waist. $67. For a panty. I also noted it had to be hand-washed. For $67 I want that panty to do magical things, such as render my ass invisible.
Tell me I’m not cheap. $67 is a lot isn’t it? I haven’t gotten into the stage where I start talking about how cheap candy was when I was a kid and how I had to walk to school for miles, have I?
September 24th, 2012 at 3:54 am
You are not cheap. Seriously – why should something so basic (and necessary) cost more than $10? I cannot believe how much it costs to buy certain things. Like bras, panties, basic blue jeans, turtlenecks, etc.
I’ve decided everyone in the gym will just have to think I am 1000 y/o – because I am not going to pay $40+ dollars for scraps of lace. (ps: I’m not also going to wear “granny panties either”). Thank god I can still get french cut cotton briefs from Jockey on sale.
September 24th, 2012 at 4:16 am
“when I was a kid and how I had to walk to school for miles, have I?”
I remember the 3 1/2 mile walk to the end of the driveway in our palatial Fort Wayne home where you got the school bus. It was nice that half way down you could stop at the IHOP and get a cup of hot chocolate though. JEEEZ, talk about someone’s memory going !!!!!
September 24th, 2012 at 4:54 am
$67?
Yikes. That should include a laundry service to pick them up, clean them, and return them back. For at least a year.
And I thought $20 for ONE pair was expensive. I obviously don’t shop at Victoria’s Secret.
September 24th, 2012 at 9:58 am
We are sisters in boob related issues and I have discovered the value of forking out the big bucks on bras–it makes me crazy, but I do fork out the money now and again and it’s worth it–but panties? No. No. No. Maybe for some special occasion when you’re going to show them to someone
but for everyday use, I fail to see the value in expensive drawers.
September 24th, 2012 at 10:36 am
hahahahaha I’d pay $67 to hear your next write up on your unmentionables. Just sayin…
September 24th, 2012 at 12:32 pm
*picks self up off the floor*
Oh, Eileen, this made me giggle so loud, people’s heads turned. (Admittedly, I’m at work.)
$67 for a pair of drawers is ridic. You officially still have more sense than money.
September 24th, 2012 at 2:18 pm
$6.70, maybe.
September 25th, 2012 at 9:44 am
I think at $67 you’re paying the premium to have it match the engineered bra. And sometimes it’s the handmade lace and fine finishing. (Don’t visit Robson and those lingerie shops — $67 is CHEAP in comparison, but they would be divine, if my figure were divine instead of middle-aged computer jockey.)
The other advantage with the specialty shops (such as Diane’s) is that their stock is consistently sized, unlike Change which lists a size on a bra that’s merely an approximation — very annoying when you already have one and the new one should be identical but it’s not.
Don’t you love that we can’t have visible undies, but we have to appear to be wearing them or else we’re floozies or hippie-chicks.
September 25th, 2012 at 10:41 am
$67 is INSANE. I have a good healthy dose of self-esteem going, refuse to pay that for a pair of panties to keep my ass covered! I will go “commando” before I fork out that much cash.
September 25th, 2012 at 8:08 pm
$67?! Holy Toledo.
A sad thing: I went half the day today before I realized that I had forgotten to put on a bra. Life’s tough when you’re flatter than your husband, too.
October 8th, 2012 at 5:39 pm
I wondered who to blame for the enormous boobs I had to lop off. One of my few better decisions. Another one would be to not pay $67 for a single pair of panties? Why are panties a pair? You have very intelligent and well read friends, maybe one of them can answer that question.