Random Monday
I was at the Farmer’s Market the other day and was fondling various bits of produce. A fellow across from me picked up a small mandarin orange and said: “You wanna bet I could get this in my nose?”
This comment left me baffled. I couldn’t tell if this was an odd pick up line in which case I needed to give a firm: “I’m married to someone and have no interest in what any other man can shove into his own nose.” DH doesn’t shove things in his nose to my knowledge, but I am quite certain if he wanted to, he would be awesome at it, because he’s generally very clever. I’m certainly not in the market for a new guy- even if he has amazingly elastic nostrils.
On the other hand it was possible the fellow made the comment either to himself or to the voices in his head- in which case the best response is no response. I talk to myself all the time and while I usually manage to avoid doing this in public places, I’m not going to start throwing mandarins in my glass house.
The other option is that it was really a dare. I was almost tempted to take that bet. While it was a smallish orange-it was still larger than the average nostril. I was fairly sure I could win that bet. I could buy myself a fancy pair of shoes with my winnings. I would always think of them as my citrus nose shoes.
The last option was he was asking my opinion as to the viability of getting the orange into his nose. There’s no way he would know I have almost no visual spatial ability. If you want to stick something into your nose I am the last person you should ask as to if it will fit.
Because I wasn’t prepared for the question I went with a generic “huh, how about that?” and then wandered away. This is why I bring the situation up here- so you can prepare yourself. You never know when a random person at the farmer’s market will ask you about the ability to shove something into his nose. I can’t be the only person this happens to. Right?
February 25th, 2013 at 4:46 am
I have to say, that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me.
Have you ever seen Betty White’s Off Their Rockers–the title is something like that. It’s hilarious. It’s sounds kinda like what happened to you. (minus the old person)
BW and this troop of very senior citizens do this candid camera type thing. They’re short clips, just minutes. But the old people go up to random people like they’re just being friendly and then say or do something totally unexpected. A lot of times it has sexual overtones.
Like in a grocery story. The old lady asks this mid 20ish guy to help her read the grocery list from her husband cause she couldn’t. So he starts reading and it’s like: chocolate, whipped cream (a few semi-normal things), then condoms, lubricant and stuff like that. She thanks him and says something like, oh, I’m going to have a fun night. *wink wink*.
It’s funny cause the young people are just stunned, sometimes don’t know what to say. Then the old person walks away.
Have you seen it? It’s on either ABC/NBC or CBS. Can’t remember which it was. You need to check it out if you haven’t see it.
February 27th, 2013 at 1:28 pm
I feel so much better now that I am prepared! I would really really like a pair of Citrus Nose Shoes.
March 2nd, 2013 at 5:26 pm
Laughed out loud- loved this post.
I have to confess, though, I probably would have actually replied with something along the lines of: “Sure, go for it.” Not sure if it comes from working with children, but if someone wants to open themselves up for a dare like that, I’ll always egg them on.